tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61254282011-04-21T21:23:05.472-07:00in my head and no, you're not invited, but you can read about it... comments welcome.. that is if you can dig it... well can you? CAN YOU!?!!? Sometimes the voices in my head take the lead and.. and... where's my pineapple?! I'm goin' to my room...conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.comBlogger521100tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-59388971754819872192008-05-04T09:22:00.000-07:002008-05-04T09:38:01.528-07:00

Things we didn't sell:Tiki Bar (mainly cos we built it...)Cocktail/bar ware (self explanatory)Dishescoffee cups, specific ones only, all the rest were sold1950's lawn chairs that I bought at an antique storesome pots and pans/kitchen warescomic booksaction figuresbooks, periodalbums, (like records, you know vinyl)clotheslinenstowelsDVDs, movies, video gamesstereo equipment, electronics etc..

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-88367474840840409092007-06-25T22:57:00.000-07:002007-06-25T22:59:44.070-07:00

I can't believe what happened in wrestling today. Chris Benoit was the best wrestler in the world.

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-74087218093344291152007-06-25T22:50:00.000-07:002007-06-25T22:55:22.452-07:00

Greetings All!! Hope everyone is staying cool and drinking plenty of fluids cos it's gonna be a hot one.Canal Street has walls again! YEA! We may be open by the end of summer, or the very beginnings of autumn.. but we will will open before the holidays for sure.Just to get the crowd salivating here are some of my specialties:Canal Street Chop Salad: Radicchio, romaine, baby greens & fresh herbs,

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-86892921285559310702007-05-15T10:22:00.000-07:002007-06-25T22:50:17.954-07:00

SHIT HAPPENS! 5 weeks away from our opening, Canal Street Grille suffered a "minor" setback... fire. But that's cool. This gives us a chance to hire the best and to perfect the menu. We are doing steaks, chops, ribs and seafood. It is going to be so awesome!I have been testing all the menu items, see what works, what doesn't, what can be a special or on the menu. I'm fairly certain that there is

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-20999494631910411882007-02-02T13:43:00.000-08:002007-06-25T22:47:14.689-07:00

Sheesh! Been a while since I posted here..need to dust and remove all these cobwebs..(sigh)Well, the holidays are well behind us now and we are into a brand new year..Most of us, I suspect have already broken or are moments away from breaking our New Year's Resolution.. Mine was to not lose my temper and to quit smoking... one out of 2 so far isn't bad.I will be representin' a new restaurant,

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1142201201768562082006-03-12T13:52:00.000-08:002006-03-12T14:06:41.780-08:00

Dirt Dust and cigarette buttswaching it swirl around me, the wind playing games as I sweeppulling weeds from their, what one was a, safe haven.. I knew I would get to itand I chose today.. March in like a lion... cold rainy almost miserable, but not reallyI feel affected.. lost in some sort of dream... what am I doing? I love to cookand I am happy right now, even though things are not perfect, I

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1130062378751535322005-10-23T03:06:00.000-07:002005-10-23T03:12:58.793-07:00

tell them how you feelbe honest for once.tell them allyou dont like them but you love them because they are your friends and that is what friends dotell them you love them,don't be scared of them not loving you backthey have accepted you this longthey do love you, they dont have to say ityou just need to knowwhen you say good night,hug and kiss them and tell themI love you,like it is the last

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1130006760107586942005-10-22T11:28:00.000-07:002005-10-22T11:46:00.113-07:00

can you believe we went? that it's over?

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1129921420895830252005-10-21T04:38:00.000-07:002005-10-21T12:03:40.900-07:00

sleep deprived with furry head against minecannot breathecannot rest I am wickedI am wearysicksicksickwhinemoanbitch complainmake cds thathave norhythmbut are bouncyfeel the THC to my brainfeel bettersleep comingHURRAY!it was funit was a challengehome is always nicehome home homeneed to fuss about somethingmy life is going too goodthere islovemoneysuccesshappinessplaying well with otherspeople

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1126980321035035322005-09-17T11:02:00.000-07:002005-09-17T11:05:21.040-07:00

and so it goes...work is going greatI don't believe that I could be happier, except with a bigger paycheck and a little more say as to what is going on.the headaches have started again and I don't know whyI take the medication, but they don't stop.. maybe I need more sleepmaybe I need to stop worrying about what everyone else is thinking and doing and FUCK IT ALL!ok cool sounds good... bye

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1123183399217232812005-08-04T12:19:00.000-07:002005-08-04T12:23:19.223-07:00

I want to be her...

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1121717269107764122005-07-18T13:00:00.000-07:002005-07-18T13:07:49.113-07:00

LILLYyou sit there and stare at me. big golden eyesears perked forward... WHAT DO YOU WANT?I lie down on the floor and you crawl over mesniffing my face and chewing on my hairlove, that is all you require, unconditional LOVEyou flop down in front of me and let me rub your bellyfood water and lovei cry and you come and sniff my tears, your rough tongue licking away the salty wateri have never had

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1121617756703804612005-07-17T09:19:00.000-07:002005-07-17T09:29:16.706-07:00

listening to the dishwasher i think it may breaki look at the lawn and think how did i let it get so long?my life is a jumble of these things, simplicity like the dance i have begun to donew job againthe dance being in charge being creative again pouring over books and magazines and newspapers trying to create my own out of it not looking at the screen while I type just watching my fingers flow

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1117407505740380882005-05-29T15:11:00.000-07:002005-05-29T15:58:25.753-07:00

Mission StatementTo be the best at what I do, to love what I do and to keep the passion alive with every decision I make.To please myself first and to take care of me... To be a full active partner in Me Inc. To give myself fully to the people I love, to make an effort and become totally aware in my life decisions so they become second nature and I don't forget what I have to do... to make it

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1113429299027210582005-04-13T14:40:00.000-07:002005-04-13T14:54:59.026-07:00

how much can I take?how much pressure can I be put under?how much money would it take?what else can I do?

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1112024693193977152005-03-28T07:27:00.000-08:002005-03-28T07:44:53.193-08:00

Are you using me? For what? I have no money, I give you everything there is inside of me.. for what? the little validation that you give me. I am so angry at you... I want you to do something with your life but it is not for me to decide what. you talk about me growing up... I love you yet I am disappointed in this thing we have... nothing serious. I am tired of it being so not serious. I am also

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1109526787111473502005-02-20T09:41:00.000-08:002005-02-27T09:53:07.113-08:00

Drama begins after only a few hours. Why can't it be held captive for just a while longer? Holding steady under the pressure of seeing faces that have not been viewed since the Death, or even before. We grow up. We have yet to grow older. Under the guise of age, a few wrinkles, pounds and a little less hair, we throw back a few thinking we are capable of recapture... but being away for so long,

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1105857273778129092005-01-15T22:33:00.000-08:002005-01-15T22:34:33.780-08:00

and in the end the love you make is equal to the love you take

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1105681726679323162005-01-13T21:41:00.000-08:002005-01-13T21:51:08.333-08:00

strange being here, Lancaster I am tired and feel like I can sleep for days. it took all I had to drive down.. I was fearful and anxious and didnt want to leave my own little world. my security. my HOME now, in the "womb" I am relaxed, family saving me.. felt like I was drowning. Something made me want to come here Drove all around the town, things grow and change but there is a lot that stays

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1104788869217748782005-01-03T01:38:00.000-08:002005-01-03T13:47:49.216-08:00

this is the worst week now, every year since then. I try hard not to think about it.. take down all the Christmas shit and drink coffee... but there it is. looming.. in the corner of my mind. I still have yet to figure out WHY I allow it to be a monster. why I feel such an obligation to other people regarding it. UGH. I can still feel his kisses, hear his laugh and remember what it was like when

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1104078443301062952004-12-26T08:25:00.000-08:002004-12-26T08:27:23.303-08:00

feel like I could vomit.. being downsized sucks.. looking to swim, but feel like I am sinking have irons in the fire, but still there is no life preserver. gonna be home a lot more. wish I could do something about it..but I am working on it..doing what I can.

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1102919051537287902004-12-12T22:07:00.000-08:002005-01-04T19:16:57.943-08:00

so, I changed my last name, officially back to the original. How do I tell the former inlaws? How do I tell my father in law that his son and I argued about me taking the name to begin with? How do I say my name sounds really bitchen with "chef" in front of it? 2 years and I still feel like I am drowning sometimes, not like before. Not to mention the 12-13 hours days of work. It will be over soon

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1102560236509324612004-12-08T18:22:00.000-08:002004-12-08T18:43:56.510-08:00

body grows cold with the hours I keep... And I wanted this career why again? getting home and taking a hit and collasping into fuzzy sheets... I love it I do, it just makes me tired... and I feel so old sometimes. I am no longer 20 something. the rain makes the drive worth it, although people keep hitting each other and slowing down traffic, then its the season too. Frustrated. I cant get the

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1099931738761882472004-11-08T03:24:00.000-08:002004-11-08T08:35:38.760-08:00

you wake up well before the alarm goes off, drink too much coffee before 9am and all you have to do the rest of the day is pee. you go to work fully believing in that the employees you have will do their job and finish their tasks well before you have to drive home and get there before wrasslin comes on. you drive home, smoking the last cigarette in your pack, making it last at least 20 miles,

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1099586048847856192004-11-04T08:29:00.000-08:002004-11-04T09:54:03.740-08:00

sad angry depressed denial "a view of a better tomorrow" No, business as usual the killing won't stop, it will increase. "No president should try and impose religion on our society" Did he just say that? Supreme Court... 3 justices that is scary what to do what to do what to do? You say you want a revolution? well you know... we all want to change the world

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1099158998239630222004-10-30T10:46:00.000-07:002004-11-04T09:53:48.840-08:00

I feel like I actually have a job now, this is a career this is something that is a possiblity and tangible...Responsibility does that I guess. Being held accountable. Doing work that actually means something to me and others. Then... I am concerned about Tuesday. What is going to happen? What is our future? Is it really going to effect my everyday life? More War? More Crisis? There needs to be

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1098737763602285512004-10-25T13:54:00.000-07:002004-10-25T13:56:03.603-07:00

Sometimes music makes you cry, it touches you deep and no matter where you are if you hear it you will tear up.. Fall At Your Feet Written By N. Finn I'm really close tonight And I feel like I'm moving inside her Lying in the dark I think that I'm beginning to know her Let it go I'll be there when you call Whenever I fall at your feet And you let your tears rain down on me Whenever I touch

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1098292340195175992004-10-20T10:05:00.000-07:002004-10-20T10:12:20.196-07:00

the rain comes and washes over me...finally autumn is here! I make so many changes.. always something better developing on the horizon, better opportunities. We'll see. This time I am not that excited. I refuse to put myself into it because I always get let down. I just need to do it and let everything else fall into place, because it will. I have to go to work... my last week at this job and

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1097856817973030112004-10-15T09:02:00.000-07:002004-10-15T09:13:37.973-07:00

They say it's irrepairable, this damage. Oh well... I have to deal with it dont I? Changing jobs... AGAIN. I think this is the one tho'.. finally. I laugh as I write that knowing full well I am so full of shit. I have been full of it for a long time and I think I am finally coming to the self realization that its not going to change anytime soon. I think we are all pretentious and egotistical..

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1094083199300204192004-09-01T16:51:00.000-07:002004-09-01T16:59:59.300-07:00

I watch These people at the end of their journey I hate life you have to struggle and toil and where do you end up? Its all bullshit I want to be happy, satisfied and glad to be living but its so hard, and you can't just give up. I want to hide in my room and not come out for a while. I want people to wonder what happened to me. I want to be remembered for something and doing what I am doing now

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1093641939325298262004-08-27T14:20:00.000-07:002004-08-27T14:25:39.326-07:00

politics as usual I am very angry, depressed and moody and sometimes it just feels good to wallow it it. I have 5 minutes left to wonder thru my head thinking of all the bullshit that I carry around with me and wanting finally to unload it. Want to get away, far away... be alone and quiet, unless the voices in my head follow me. Get a place, for me and Lilly and I will be happy. Work work work

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1085033813959894062004-05-19T23:12:00.000-07:002004-10-17T08:31:10.933-07:00

I go thru jobs like underwear I thought it was only people I did that to My situation has not changed and I know I can no longer trust her she is self centered, selfish and doesn't care about anyone but herself, not even her child (so you see its not me I am talking about). He threw something today and it scared me I dont like making him react that way, but it was good to see him do that I know

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1081742089072928692004-04-11T20:51:00.000-07:002004-04-11T20:58:41.623-07:00

feel like I am insane again nerves buckle under the strain and I cry too much Crawl into the closet and stare at his clothes that hang there. Miss him Feel the pressure of a new life a path I am unfamiliar with, lots of undergrowth wish I had a flame thrower Plunging the knife under his ribs watching the life seep from him You dont talk about your mother like that His way or the highway.... Need

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1079973290261150082004-03-22T08:23:00.000-08:002004-03-22T08:38:15.076-08:00

Listening to the new Duran Duran memories come rushing back of Barbie dolls and Little People, First kisses and bikinis skateboards, first time getting high in the back of a van throwing car parts of bridges, watching Clockwork Orange, The Wall and Decline and Fall of Western Civilization, listening to punk music and thinking we were cool Think back to those lazy days, ditching school, vomiting

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1079566594721961052004-03-17T15:31:00.000-08:002004-03-17T15:39:52.920-08:00

music listen everyday, something new some guys from Canada some group from Riverside not making it too big, just big enough loving what they do... I get it I get it I FINALLY GET IT

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1079427615550343472004-03-16T00:55:00.000-08:002004-03-16T01:03:32.043-08:00

she has arrived that person within the dark cloak removed and the person that was shining through Not sure like a newborn calf learning new life Old person, new candy coating Love life breathing free again letting go LET THE GODDAMN THING GO

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1079377296414739112004-03-15T11:00:00.000-08:002004-03-15T11:04:52.090-08:00

New mantra: I LOVE MY JOB I LOVE MY JOB I LOVE MY JOB

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1078603571044249032004-03-06T12:01:00.000-08:002004-03-06T12:09:14.420-08:00

hangin out back to basics feeling it wanting it and recieving it Want to go home but always wanting to return to my peace, my life, visiting is good, but my own bed, my own space my own stuff, my own life is better. Just do what I have to do, remembering to keep my head on not allow the dark to consume me. Things will get better eventually. "I've been a little bit down on my luck I think you

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1077987559098550962004-02-28T08:44:00.000-08:002004-02-28T09:03:27.810-08:00

when it happens its going to be nasty wanting to watch it from the other side and not be involved my heart, already damaged, stepped upon and kicked... I see it, on the horizon, even if you think I don't. I am too suspicious, too jealous and too self involved for this to continue "WE" is what we've got right now. Where am I going to be when it is just "me" Scared to be alone. Not knowing how but

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1076836408787084032004-02-15T01:11:00.000-08:002004-02-15T01:16:03.950-08:00

I love when everything falls onto place...puzzle pieces, I love his face. I love my job I love the way coffee smells in the morning when I wake up I love the way a hot saute pan sizzles when you deglaze I love my life...for the moment, always in this moment Living in this moment, taking a breath and having to stretch and move on to the next one...

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1073686622266404932004-01-09T14:02:00.000-08:002004-01-09T14:17:22.553-08:00

I am not used to the fact that everything is going well. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. How is my life going to fuck with me today? what could possibly go wrong? Is the anticipation of waiting for something to happen the root of all the problems to begin with? I am not used to things actually going well for me. I am confused and lost, this is all new to me. My relationship, my job, my

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1071717867881103742003-12-17T19:17:00.000-08:002003-12-17T19:24:42.033-08:00

Sometimes we make choices that may seem a little risky...but we know they will make us a better person in the end. Felt like I was floundering for a long time. Now I am swimming, however upstream, I am still making progress. For the first time in a long time I actually feel happy...Like things might actually work out. I am capable of loving what I do without any resentment.

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1071200869735164532003-12-11T19:47:00.000-08:002003-12-11T19:48:01.996-08:00

Missing something 5 days No high pick you up later

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1070911194629926342003-12-08T11:14:00.000-08:002003-12-08T11:20:06.376-08:00

bored bored bored Sealab 2021....under the sea

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1070324256400515132003-12-01T16:13:00.000-08:002003-12-01T16:17:46.466-08:00

I hate when this happens....things seem to be so good and then they fall down around me. I am in a bad place and I am very uncomfortable. I am really trying to still like the Holidays, but there is a dark cloud... Want to be in love but know that it is only feelings that I am transferring. If I bottled it all up..it would overwhelm me. Dark Heavy STOP!!!

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1070100181085879192003-11-29T01:58:00.000-08:002003-11-29T02:03:10.680-08:00

Dont know sometimes if being my age yet feeling younger is a bad thing? The mind sometimes fucks with you if you allow it... Somehow those years were compressed and somehow I have regressed, yet I feel my age at the most inopportune moments. And I have discovered at this moment...I am feeling my age, and very embarrassed for writing shit that really doesnt make any sense at all...walking the

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1070052430542352842003-11-28T12:40:00.000-08:002003-11-28T12:47:19.353-08:00

hey...I just thought of something..."scooby...DOOBY"

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1069960248867831652003-11-27T11:01:00.000-08:002003-11-27T11:10:57.953-08:00

Thanksgiving....bullshit.

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1069703865461234462003-11-24T11:51:00.000-08:002003-11-24T11:57:53.063-08:00

Holidays suck. Burn the Christmas tree, Santa tied to it with a turkey under each arm...up in flames... I think I am finally allowing the grief to happen. The crying has started to become more cleansing. I say I can't remember, but I do remember...I know about the stuff that no one was there for. I acknowledge the very intitmate moments of our realtionship. Anxiety washes over me. I am a

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1069703431440251292003-11-17T00:32:00.000-08:002003-11-24T11:50:39.146-08:00

I am having trouble sleeping tonight. I have to work tomorrow and I am having trouble focusing. I am trying to remember being in love with him. Those moments where you are so wrapped up in each other that the outside world doesnt even exist. Usually at the beginning of a realtionship. I can't remember the feeling and it upsets me. There are times I can focus on being with my sister. It is almost

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1069702691182342362003-11-15T13:33:00.000-08:002003-11-24T11:38:19.050-08:00

Somtimes the house is too quiet and I get frightened. Scared to be alone with the thoughts in my head. Wanting you yet pushing you away at the same time. Scared to lose you, scared to lose everything, but wanting to quit and take my ball and go home..I don't even have a home anymore. I feel banished. Don't know if I will ever be okay again..don't know the person I am becoming. Angry that I have

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6125428.post-1069702375594652302003-11-15T04:10:00.000-08:002003-11-24T11:33:03.536-08:00

Slip quietly away, no one has to hear. Wanting to stop the dripping faucet, sounding like a faint heartbeat. Feeling fear strike me on the stairs-never coming back-he is never coming back again. Wanting to crawl into a fetal position and cry. Wanting all the truths to come out and maybe all this guilt will stop...if I tell about everything. Stop lying, be open, don't start and stop-speak it.

conguruhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15553883647281968511noreply@blogger.com0