Wednesday, December 08, 2004
body grows cold with the hours I keep... And I wanted this career why again? getting home and taking a hit and collasping into fuzzy sheets... I love it I do, it just makes me tired... and I feel so old sometimes. I am no longer 20 something. the rain makes the drive worth it, although people keep hitting each other and slowing down traffic, then its the season too. Frustrated.
I cant get the stains off my hands. Portabella mushrooms and garlic. Always food. I guess I have an addiction that is legal.
Lying in bed thinking about shit. I dont hate my life its just so different from before...
BDD.. before Dave died.
I hate the holidays because of it. I hate the fact that his family has become estranged... not that I call either. It does go both ways. I cannot blame it all on myself, although there is a lot of gulit that I am still struggling with. Not so much drowning anymore... but healing I am actually healing! (Much rejoicing). Now, I have other personal projects to complete.. and other parasites to contend with... growth and strength.
then there is the other thing... too fucked up to get serious, and too codependent to walk away. (laugh).
I cant get the stains off my hands. Portabella mushrooms and garlic. Always food. I guess I have an addiction that is legal.
Lying in bed thinking about shit. I dont hate my life its just so different from before...
BDD.. before Dave died.
I hate the holidays because of it. I hate the fact that his family has become estranged... not that I call either. It does go both ways. I cannot blame it all on myself, although there is a lot of gulit that I am still struggling with. Not so much drowning anymore... but healing I am actually healing! (Much rejoicing). Now, I have other personal projects to complete.. and other parasites to contend with... growth and strength.
then there is the other thing... too fucked up to get serious, and too codependent to walk away. (laugh).
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