Wednesday, September 01, 2004
I watch
These people at the end of their journey
I hate life
you have to struggle and toil and where do you end up?
Its all bullshit
I want to be happy, satisfied and glad to be living but its so hard, and you can't just give up. I want to hide in my room and not come out for a while. I want people to wonder what happened to me. I want to be remembered for something and doing what I am doing now, that isn't going to happen. I want to live somewhere different, make new friends, not to say the old ones aren't any good but they are just that...OLD. I like having these friends, the ones I have always been able to rely on. The ones I can always go to for help. But I would like to meet new people and do different things.
I want him to tell me he loves me. I know that showing me means more, but damnit JUST ONCE!!!! Validation. What if I were to die tomorrow and he never said anything? How would he feel? I don't want any feelings of regret or sorrow because we didn't say something we should have. It is almost like I should say to HER that living with her has destroyed me and that it was the worst thing I could have done to myself. It is a bad thing that I have done to her too, because she has come to rely on me and not herself. Things need to change...And I need to change them. I need to find that strength and courage inside myself...And just do it.
These people at the end of their journey
I hate life
you have to struggle and toil and where do you end up?
Its all bullshit
I want to be happy, satisfied and glad to be living but its so hard, and you can't just give up. I want to hide in my room and not come out for a while. I want people to wonder what happened to me. I want to be remembered for something and doing what I am doing now, that isn't going to happen. I want to live somewhere different, make new friends, not to say the old ones aren't any good but they are just that...OLD. I like having these friends, the ones I have always been able to rely on. The ones I can always go to for help. But I would like to meet new people and do different things.
I want him to tell me he loves me. I know that showing me means more, but damnit JUST ONCE!!!! Validation. What if I were to die tomorrow and he never said anything? How would he feel? I don't want any feelings of regret or sorrow because we didn't say something we should have. It is almost like I should say to HER that living with her has destroyed me and that it was the worst thing I could have done to myself. It is a bad thing that I have done to her too, because she has come to rely on me and not herself. Things need to change...And I need to change them. I need to find that strength and courage inside myself...And just do it.
peace out
