Sofa King We Tod Ed

I am having trouble sleeping tonight. I have to work tomorrow and I am having trouble focusing. I am trying to remember being in love with him. Those moments where you are so wrapped up in each other that the outside world doesnt even exist. Usually at the beginning of a realtionship. I can't remember the feeling and it upsets me. There are times I can focus on being with my sister. It is almost like I was bored with him a lot. I remember the last time we were intimate, the touch of his hand, and his face and the smell of his body, our last real moment. But I want to recall the other times. Maybe I am obsessing, trying too hard? I want the memories of"us" to be the good ones. Sometimes I think I have made him out to be an asshole and he was far from that. He always used to say actions had a equal or greate reaction, and he reallylive by that. I also think about that fucking song that is out by the Black Eyed Peas "Shut Up"...he would have HATED that song. Death sucks. I miss him. But I want to know what I miss. I love him..and my heart hurts and someday as long as I ALLOW IT, it will stop hurting, and I may never fully recover, but the pain will subside and heal. Death cannot ever stop love, but time heals wounds--doesnt mean it won't leave a nasty scar,but it's closed. And if you cant be with the one you love...love the one you're with (Thank you Stephen Stills).